Difficulty Making Decisions? Therapist Shares 6 Tips to Help with Indecisiveness
Why Do I Have Difficulty Making Decisions?
Decisions, decisions! Big or small, decisions pepper our daily lives. From choosing what to eat for breakfast to making life-changing choices, we can't escape the task of making decisions. But why do we often find ourselves stuck and unable to make up our minds?
What Causes Indecisiveness?
Overwhelming Options
When we are faced with an overwhelming number of choices, our brains can get overwhelmed. We start weighing pros and cons, considering potential outcomes, and attempting to predict the future. It feels like a mental traffic jam that stalls decision-making.
Fear of Making the “Wrong” Choice
The fear of making a “wrong” decision is quite large. What if we choose the wrong college, job, or partner? This fear of regret can paralyze us. We often don't trust ourselves to handle whatever comes our way in the future. It's difficult for us to accept that there is no clearly defined "wrong" or "right" choice. This kind of black and white thinking makes us overlook the gray area, where most choices are a bit wrong and a bit right.
Uncertainty and Information Overload
Uncertainty often clouds our decision-making process. Lacking complete information or facing ambiguous situations can make choosing feel like walking through a foggy maze. On top of that, there's just so much data coming at us in this digital age that it's tough to figure out what really matters. Thus, we're always on the lookout for that perfect "third option" that will bring us some clarity. We want to know that we are making the right choice with 100% certainty, which is impossible.
Feelings in the Mix
Emotions have a big impact on how we make decisions. They have the power to cloud our judgment, influence our choices, and even create inner conflicts. When decisions involve strong emotions like fear, excitement, or attachment, it makes it even more difficult to think rationally. Keep reading to learn how anxiety affects decision-making.
“Analysis Paralysis” and Perfectionism
Sometimes, the pursuit of the “perfect” decision becomes the obstacle itself. Overthinking and striving for perfection can lead to “Analysis Paralysis” - where we're stuck in a loop of endless evaluation, unable to move forward. By remaining stuck, we’re avoiding the discomfort that comes with not making the “perfect” choice.
How Does Anxiety Impact Decision-Making?
Anxiety makes it harder for us to make decisions. When we feel anxious, we tend to overthink, fear the unknown, catastrophize, and doubt ourselves, all of which have on impact on indecision. When faced with a decision, anxious adults often develop physical symptoms, such as a racing heart or a pit in the stomach. Instead of realizing that these are just our body's natural reactions to uncertainty, we tend to see them as signs of danger. So, if you're an adult with anxiety who wants to make decisions, it's important to accept these physiological changes and work on shifting your perspective towards them.
6 Ways to Help You Become More Decisive
Here are some ways to help with decision-making:
Use "Wise Mind"
“Wise Mind” is a technique in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Most people rely on our “emotional mind” - when our emotions take over and control our thoughts and actions. On the other hand, when we focus solely on facts and logic, we are using our "reasonable mind". "Wise Mind" is all about finding that sweet spot in the middle. It's about respecting our feelings while also looking at them from a rational perspective so we can make smart decisions.
For instance, big decisions like moving to a new city can bring up a lot of anxiety and self-doubt. Your “emotional mind” feels overwhelmed, while your “reasonable mind” tries to weigh all the pros and cons. To tap into your "Wise Mind," try doing calming activities such as journaling, stretching, or talking to a friend. Reflect on your values and long-term goals to help guide your decision-making.
Set a Time Limit
Avoid prolonging indecision by giving yourself a specific time to make a choice. This way, you won't get stuck in a loop of overthinking. For example, set a deadline to make a decision by 7:00 on Sunday. It's usually the process of making the decision that causes the most distress; once we commit to a decision, we generally feel a sense of relief.
Set Realistic Expectations
Avoid striving for a “perfect” decision. Accept that decisions are often made with limited information, and aim for a reasonable and practical choice. Remember, most decisions are a bit wrong and a bit right.
Embrace Mistakes
Don't be afraid to make mistakes and take advantage of the valuable lessons they offer. Every decision you make presents a chance to either succeed or stumble, but either way, it helps you develop and gain knowledge about yourself. Remember that most mistakes are not set in stone, so even if it's tough, there's usually a way to fix them.
Get Some Input
Talk to your close friends, family, or colleagues for different viewpoints. Getting input from outside sources can give you some valuable insights. Be picky about whose advice or information you seek. This is when a therapist is helpful, because they can guide you in making decisions without being biased.
Trust your future self.
We typically overestimate the worst, and underestimate our ability to handle it. Know that whatever comes up, everything will be ok. You are stronger than you think you are.
Making Decisions and Moving Forward
Decisions can sometimes feel like really difficult puzzles. Recognizing the factors that make decision-making difficult is the first step towards finding solutions. Remember, it's okay to take your time, ask for help when you need it, and acknowledge that making decisions is part of the journey, not just the destination.
As an anxiety and trauma online therapist based in Chicago, I help people that struggle with making decisions.
Get to know Ivy Ellis, LCSW PMH-C, a licensed mental health therapist dedicated to helping overthinkers and overwhelmed adults. Ivy’s niche specialties include supporting Autistic/ND adults, anxious adults, and pregnant and postpartum women. Ivy, at Empathic Counseling Center in Evanston, Chicago, and beyond, offers online therapy for adults in Illinois, Minnesota, Washington, Indiana, and Michigan.